Eat, Eat and lose Weight

A recent study by The Jager Journal of Medical Science and Academics un Nationale found that eating huge amounts of food led to tremendous weight-loss in subjects. In fact the more they ate and less they exercised the faster the weight-loss. Patients weighing in at 350-400 pounds shed literally hundreds of pounds in just a matter of weeks.

Take a look at one of the subjects below.

Before and After shots of actual subjects in the study. Anna lost 300 pounds in just 3 months!

Ready to lose weight? Well sit back on that couch and stuff a box of twinkies down your throat!

Lose Weight and Quit Smoking

The study also found that this same program works well for those who want to quit smoking. Participants who stuffed their face and smoked loss weight nearly 2 times faster than those who didn’t smoke, plus they were also able to quit smoking.

Disclaimer: Side effects include extreme fatigue, laziness, foul odor, dry skin, and eventual death.

Real Disclaimer: This is a joke people. If you want to lose weight get your ass off the computer and get some exercise. It’s ashame I have to put this because some moron will take this post seriously and go cram their pie hole with 100 twinkies thinking they will lose weight.

Speaking to the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute’s 33rd Annual Award Gala in Washington, D.C. on September 15, 2010, Obama rewrites the Declaration of Independence. Toward the end of his 24 minute speech Obama quotes the Declaration of Independence saying:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, endowed with certain inalienable rights: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

What’s wrong? Well he conveniently left our “Creator” from the passage. The correct version of the Declaration of Independence is:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Now this is something all kids learn in their American History classes, that is provided they attended school in the United States. I’ve posted the video below. His remarks come at the 22:22 mark of the speech.

Ok so I can’t draw but what do you expect in five minutes…

NO MORE OIL!

Because of the current oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico I have decided to give up my dependence on oil. I have purchased one of the new green technology solar cars.

The car itself was only $99.96 plus tax but it only came with a 9V solar panel. Being the muscle car type I opted to go all out and get Solar Turbo option. I added a megawatt inverter, 28 solar panels, the solar towing package, and the wind turbine for just $136,000 more. The 110V outlet came with the trailer package. It will be good for charging my iPod.

I am also a rep for the company selling the turbo package if you are interested. All I require is half down. Please make all payments in gold.

See you on the highway, in my rear view mirror! Ha! Shit, it doesn’t have one.

So says….Sir Jager

Mexican President Felipe Calderon spoke before the United States Congress today and expressed his discontent with the new Arizona law that makes illegal immigration, uh well …illegal. The Mexican President could barley get through with his scolding before Democrats jumped to their feet applauding. Even Janet Napolitano and Eric Holder who haven’t even read the bill were cheering wildly.
If you watch closely I think Napolitano threw her bra onto the stage and Holder was trying to get Calderon to do a stage dive.

So you mean to tell me we now have leaders of foreign countries coming to OUR HOUSE and scolding US about laws we make? And over half of the members of Congress are OK with that?

I wonder…has the Mexican President even read the Arizona bill? In fact, has he ever read the Mexican laws on illegal immigration?

I would really like to hear an argument of how any US citizen can stand for this? If you can please comment because I would like to hear your rational.

More Info:
CSPAN Converage – Arizona scolding at 32:50

VOTE BELOW

Kudos to Seattle City Council who voted today to boycott Arizona.Yes, Seattle is going to boycott Arizona because of Arizona’s new immigration law. WTF? Isn’t Seattle in the state of Washington?

Show your support for Arizona by boycotting Seattle – Click Here

Doesn’t Seattle have something better to do than worry about the laws of another state? The Seattle Times reports, “The City Council got a standing ovation when it voted, 7-0, with two members absent, to approve the resolution.” Full Article Here

So Seattle I will tell you just like I told Barry O, “It’s none of your damn business!”. The whole thing might just backfire on you too. Maybe supporters of making illegal immigrants illegal should boycott Seattle?

Starbucks and Amazon no offense but until your city council pulls their head out of their ass then you are getting none of my business. Want to join me?

Start here –
Boycott Seattle and pass it on to your friends.

just another rant from…..
SirJager

btw I never really liked Starbucks.

From thy wisdom of whom they call ‘Dwood’
Adios Starbucks, but someone has to pay the price.

Misguided. There’s only one person I know that uses that word. That’s the term president Obama used referring to the state of Arizona as they passed a new state law that cracks down on illegal aliens. He also said he would have ‘his people’ look into the civil rights aspects of such a law.

If I lived in Arizona I would tell the president, “It’s none of your damn business!”. If a state passes a law to protect legal US citizens I would think the president would applaud such a move since the federal government has no idea or interest in protecting our southern border.

Far left and civil rights groups are already protesting the new bill saying it will lead to ‘racial profiling’. Well, maybe they are right?

Just today Fox News reported police pulled over a U-haul ‘driving erratically’. When pulled over the driver jumped out and ran into the desert. The police opened the back of the U-haul and found 67 people crammed in the back. Notice I didn’t say ‘illegal alien’ as I do not want to be considered a racist.

I really can’t believe the police pulled over the U-haul in the first place. Here in Alabama we rent a U-haul every Friday night and ride around and get drunk. We can fit 70 or more people in a 24 footer plus a keg! When the police pull us over they usually want to know what time the Mudd Bogg starts on Saturday. Hell they even give us a police escort around the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, lights and all. And a driver running off? He was either taking a whiz or puking.

The police in Arizona really should be investigated for their uh, misguided actions.

just another Rant from SirJager!

Join the “It’s none of your Damn Business” Group on Facebook and share with your friends.

Who would have ever thought that the White House would start using Google adwords to push an agenda. Well just when you thought it was safe to make a fortune on Wall Street, BAM!, big BRO decides he’s gonna bring you down. What the f*** am I talking about? Well it just so happens Barry BO is gonna start crack’in down on Wall Street again for raking in so much dough and the first one on the list looks like Goldman Sachs.
Funny thing and I mean funny is when you do a search for Goldman Sachs SEC on Google, holy crap batman, BarackObama.com comes up in the Google ads. Not on the side or some random thing, it’s the big daddy at the top. It also says “It’s Time for Financial Reform that Protects Main Street. Act Now!”.
The other funny thing is that the White House knew nothing about the SEC investigating Goldman Sachs, it’s just coincidence Barry BO bought “Goldman Sachs SEC” to point to his website.
The proof is in the pudding…

Ok I guess something twextwaordinary twappened twis week with twitter having 10 twillion tweets in the tweet o sphere. Well like they said in Gone Twith the Twind, “Frankly ho twitch, Hommie don’t give a twat’s ass.” Yes, I saw the tweet ghetto version.

Do I tweet, Twell yea I do. But I twelly don’t care about how twany tweets have been tweeted. It’s kinda twike pissing off twe back porch. TwIt’s fun, everyone does it as twuch as possible, but there’s usually no one on the receiving end.

So I did some digging around and twound real tweet stats.

Official Twitter Stats:
Twitter People: 50 twillion
Tweets: 10 billion
Tweets Read: 56
Useful Tweets: 3

Back in twa day of being a Rock Star we twad our own version twof twitter.

here little birdie…

yes that’s a bunch of infamous 4am fans … uh tweeting 4am style!

Please (RT)
Follow me on Twitter @SirJager

Hot Chick wearing a fish hat

Congratulations to John Kelso for winning the “Laahueser of the Week” Award. John wrote an great article titled “As far as rednecks go, Alabama may have UT beat.”

John, obviously a Texas Longhorn fan, compared Alabama fans to The Beverly Hillbillies. He states:

“The only thing Alabama and Southern California have in common is that the Beverly Hillbillies ended up in Southern California”

John also makes reference to Alabama’s “Crimson Tide”. He mistakenly thinks this refers to the “red tide” which he believes is fish kill. It’s actually a form of microscopic algae that is commonly found in the Gulf of Mexico. Again John states:

“In other words, the University of Alabama has a mascot named after a fish kill. So what do these Alabama folks bring to the games for a mascot? A bucket of dead carp?”

I’m no expert, but I’m not real sure carp live in the ocean. He also feels that we have an elephant for a mascot because “dead fish don’t look good on a hat”. Actually dead fish look great on a hat, I have two or three I wear all the time.

John’s little rant goes on and on ending with a reference to the South’s strong religious beliefs. He comments on the removal of “The Ten Commandments” from the Alabama Supreme Court as something from the “Bubba department”. This inspired him to write his own Ten Commandments one being;

“Thy shalt honor thy daddy and thy mama, as soon as you can figure out who they are.”

Response to John
NOTE: The following can only be read with a Southern accent.

Well John I’m not sure how much you know about Alabama or Alabama football but you certainly have an open invitation to visit our state. Hell, someone might even cook you up some hog jowls and chitlins and invite you into their double-wide.

You see, daddy and mama taught us to grow up by the “Good Book”, that’s the Bible to you, and we should respect one another. We may not had fancy cars or tall buildings like you city folk, but we can catch a crawdad in a crik, run a trot line, and yes we even knew a carp was a fresh water fish.

Aw I know you city kind like the hustle and bustle and all them lights, but, life here in Alabama is…well it’s simple. We know our neighbor, not because they live 10 feet above us, but because we meet in the morning at the store for a cup of coffee. Usually the talk is about local news, a bit of politics, heisman trophy winners, national championships, you know the usual stuff.

We say things like “ya’ll”,”fixin”,”God Bless You”,”Thank You”, and “Amen”. Our children say “yes sir”,”no sir”, “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am”. You learn that by gettin popped once or twice, yes once againby daddy or mama. We eat Bar’b'Que and drink sweet tea. Lot’s of us even ride around with a “3″ sticker on the back windshield.

As far as rednecks, we don’t mind you callin us redneck. There’s some comedian out there, Jeff Foxworthy, that even makes a living telling redneck jokes. If you can make a buck trying to be funny go ahead. You may want to do a little more research on what a redneck is because your jokes just aren’t as funny as that Foxworthy guy. He’s pretty funny. Keep working at it though.

Oh yeah, there’s one other thing about life here in Alabama you need to understand. We know how to play football. Kids don’t grow up picking a favorite team, they are born either Alabama fan or Auburn fan and as an Alabama fan I can certainly remember many times my “mama” took me to a game in Birmingham or Tuscaloosa. Also, football is a team sport here in Alabama. Yes I know Ingram won the Heisman and McClain won the Butkus award but both would be the first to tell you there are 11 men on the field. Some teams do feel that one player makes the difference in winning and losing and maybe that’s the case. But damn son, we play in the S…E…C, and they hit juuusst a little harder than them other conferences. Most been puttin licks on one another since they could walk. So Alabama doesn’t, ummm, how do I say it, “put all our eggs in one basket.”

John, the last line of your article reads, “Roll Tide. Roll over and play dead.” That’s not really how it goes and if you knew anything about football in Alabama, you would never say Roll Tide unless you were a Alabama fan. While we are on the subject though another Alabama saying is, “Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer give em hell Alabama”. We also add, “We – just – beat – the – hell out of you!” which you may have heard at the end of the National Championship game.

So John, take a few lessons in “class” from a very “classy” guy and great football player, Colt McCoy. He gets it. He’s great at what he does and doesn’t have to put down fellow players just to make himself look better.

And now John Kelso….
Drum roll please
I now knight you “Laahueser of the Week”.

And just for future reference we go “cow tippin” not dynamiting fish.

another rant from
SirJager

Feel free to read John’s work and congratulate him at:
John’s Original Article
Email – jkelso@statesman.com
Phone: 512-445-3606