In an exclusive interview with Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, the Jager Gazette now confirms that Romney did in fact cut another student’s hair during a prank in High School.

Complete transcript of exchange between SirJager and Romney

Romney takes tough questions about hair

Romney – “You want answers?”

SirJager – “I want the truth”

Romney – “You can’t handle the truth!”
pause…

Romney – “Son, we live in a world that has hair, and that hair has to be cut by men with good hair and scissors. Who’s gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Geraldo, and you curse Metallica. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know about lice and hair gels. That cutting that kids hair, while tragic, probably saved his hair. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves hair. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me in a barber shop, you need me in a barber shop. We use words like feathering, blending, layering. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent cutting hair. You use them as a punchline in the Washington Post. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the scissors of the hair styles that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a pair of scissors, and get a barber post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.”

SirJager – “Did you cut that kids hair?”

Romney – “YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I DID!”

Mitt Romney explodes demonstrating how he cut hair in high school prank

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Here are the top 10 responses for Obama regarding the Secret Service prostitution scandal in Colombia.

10. I can assure the American tax payer we got the best deal possible.
9. We wanted to help their unemployment rate.
8. I’m sure this will have no impact on the Trevon Martin case.
7. uh,heh,uh,laugh,he,uh,uh next question.
6. Nothing – but Joe Biden says It’s a Big F****ing Deal”
5. Hey baby that’s what I call “Spreading the Wealth”
4. At least they are not stay at home moms.
3. If Rush Limbaugh calls them “sluts” we are going to have a problem.
2. Those Secret Service guys check every nook and cranny don’t they?

and the #1 answer is…

1. It’s Bush’s fault!

Mike Malloy is certainly a piece of work. He recently referred to tornado victims as “grease spots on the pavement”. I will just let the video do the speaking for him.

The fact you call tornado victims “grease spot’s on the pavement” is about one of the sickest comments I’ve ever heard. Mr. Malloy don’t bother with the apology tour either because if that’s what you truly believe have some backbone and stand behind it.

Laahueser of the Week Award

I personally would like to invite Mr. Malloy to Alabama. We will certainly show him some Southern hospitality down here in the Bible Belt.

So Congratulations Mike Malloy you are the Gazette’s Laahueser of the Week!

Share you comments about Mr Malloy below!

Yes it finally happened. Sweet little Mary Ann got busted. Dawn Wells was arrested for reckless driving. When she was pulled over the officer found marijuana in her car. The possession charges were dropped and she was hit up with a reckless driving charge.

The professor in front of one of his labs.

And for all of you shocked that Mary Ann was caught with pot in her car, what the hell do you think “The Professor” was making in those bamboo pipes all those years? “The Professor” was running a meth lab on the island. The Skipper had been running for “The Professor” for many years. Hell, why do you think they never called his name? It was always “The Professor”.

As for Ginger she was really an actress porn star hooked on the stuff and Thurston Howell was her pimp.

Why do you think these guys never left the island?

Strong quake rocks DC
A 5.8 earthquake shook the eastern seaboard today. People ran into the streets from DC to New York City. The only comment out of DC on the fault causing the quake was, they believe it was “Bush’s Fault”. Luckily the president was on vacation playing golf so was in no danger.

Vice President Biden was also out of the country in China and asked China to assist in cleanup of the earthquake and tsunami. He’s quoted as saying an earthquake in DC is a “Big ******g Deal.”

Hurricane Irene
Next disaster on the list for the US is hurricane Irene set to hit in a few days.

Earthquakes and Hurricanes – reminds you of that REM song huh?

$$$ Current US National Debt $$$
$14,643,539,000,000
You Owe – $46,925

Good News for the Day
Obama is on vacation, Biden is in China and DC went home early for the day.

Moammar Gadhafi has been in hiding the past few weeks. Undercover sources say he has been practicing his bass chops and will return to the US to replace Gene Simmons on the next KISS tour.

Gadhafi to replace KISS bass player Gene Simmons.

Here’s an interesting article about a woman stripping nude on a Delta flight.

Headlines – “Naked woman creates ruckus on Delta flight to New York”
According to the USAtoday, “Passengers on a Delta flight likely got more than they bargained for Saturday night after an ‘emotionally disturbed’ woman stripped naked and created a ruckus on their Chicago-to-New York journey.”

When asked about the incident VP Joe Biden said “That’s a big F*****g Deal”

Hmmm I wonder if these will be headlines of the future?

-Delta announces a 30% increase in tickets sales to males over the age of 18
-Virgin airlines offers free tickets for ‘emotionally disturbed’ women
-TSA allows screening bypass for nude travelers
-Virgin Air – Virgins go in but they don’t come out (ok it’s an Ad)

Original Article:
http://travel.usatoday.com/flights/post/2010/11/naked-woman-creates-ruckus-on-delta-flight-to-new-york/132862/1

May the idiots of the world provide more fodder for our merry musings!

This Week in College Football.

Alabama drops from the top Dammit.
Kudos to South Carolina for defeating #1 ranked Alabama. This will make for an interesting run for the SEC championship. Being a full blooded Bama fan there’s not much more that I can say other than “That sucks!”. I did notice that even though this is the first time Greg McElroy has lost since playing in Middle School he kept his calm composure unlike, uhhh, oh nothing, just forget about it. It was nothing, really.

Even Tim Tebow was emotional after Bama lost.

LSU learns how to spike the football and stop the clock.
Les Miles finally figured it out. Spike the Damn Ball! That’s how you stop the clock with just seconds left in the game. It took losing to Ole Miss last year and an embarrassing win against Tennessee last week for the LSU coaching staff figure out how to stop the clock with only seconds left in the game. With LSU’s time management skills I’m just amazed they made it to the game on time.

Coach Les Miles joins in singing the LSU classic song, 'Holy Shit we are lucky as hell'

Auburn blows chunks against unranked Kentucky
Auburn tried but they just couldn’t give it away. Auburn’s field goal kicker screwed up and kicked it through the uprights with seconds left to give Auburn the win they so desperately didn’t want. This also leads me into the realm of top QB’s this year. As far as quarterback’s go, Stephen Garcia is one of the best in College football today. Who did you think I was going to say?

The only decent picture we could find of the Auburn game. 'FG good!'

Boise State poised for the Top?
Hell no. First you have to play someone and second you need to get a football field that doesn’t suck.

ESPN – USC a relationship gone bad.
One cannot argue that the ESPN – University of Southern Cal relationship was something out of a fairytale. ESPN could always find a way for USC to be National Champs even if they lost every game. What went wrong? ESPN seems to be wandering in the forest looking for a new love affair. Tebow was a fling, but tears from heaven and a INT in the big game will get you the axe quickly. Who’s next…who knows. These days ESPN is like reading the tabloids at checkout in the supermarket. Stay tuned.

Baseball??? Is that still going on?
Good grief get the damn season over with.

SOUND OFF!
Let your feelings be heard. Leave your comments below on who blew chunks this weekend or if you actually disagree with anything I write.

Speaking to the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute’s 33rd Annual Award Gala in Washington, D.C. on September 15, 2010, Obama rewrites the Declaration of Independence. Toward the end of his 24 minute speech Obama quotes the Declaration of Independence saying:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, endowed with certain inalienable rights: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

What’s wrong? Well he conveniently left our “Creator” from the passage. The correct version of the Declaration of Independence is:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Now this is something all kids learn in their American History classes, that is provided they attended school in the United States. I’ve posted the video below. His remarks come at the 22:22 mark of the speech.